Short term failures, long term uncertainty

It's been stressful for the past two weeks.

Despite my frantic search for a job, I'm still unemployed, and truth to be told, I can't afford that for much longer.

In any case, I'm going to Finland for a week soon, probably leaving on Tuesday. My mother has her 50th birthday next Thursday, and even if she's not really making a number of it, I'd like to be there. After that, I'll probably meet some friends during the weekend, stock up in salmiakki and rye bread, go visit a sauna and a forest for the first time in five months, and whatnot.

However, the job issue is starting to very problematic. When I came here initially, I thought that I might struggle with the studies in here a bit, but at least getting a job shouldn't be a problem. Turned out that the exact happened. I did very well with my studies, managed to complete everything and actually more than I intended, and with decent grades too. And now it seems like the employment became the issue instead.

For the past two weeks I've been running around, sometimes calling and mostly visiting pretty much everything I've managed to think of. Just trying random places or asking for the advertised jobs they offered to me at Vinnumálastofnun, or paikallinen työkkäri på finska. I've tried so many things from stockroom stuff to cafes the post and smaller delivery companies to car rental companies to Icelandair to gardening, and virtually every single time the answer is either "sorry, we're looking for someone to stay permanently" or the way more common "give me your number and I'll call you tomorrow, I think I have something".

Since I'm typing this, y'all can probably guess if anyone ever called.

I just don't know. I can't comprehend that I'm this undesirable for an employee, but I suppose it's either that or then it's not as open a work market as I've been told it to be. Again, I haven't been picky with what I would take, but it looks like nobody is willing to give me a job with anything. I suppose I'm doing something wrong. Finding something would probably be easier in the countryside, but now that I've committed myself to this apartment for at least June, I wouldn't like to leave now and pay for it, not living there at all.

I now started to apply for some possible places in Finland. I guess the competition over there is even tougher, but at least I can try. Coming in here has been a huge financial investment already, and I can't spend this summer without working somewhere to compensate that.

It just makes me a little befuzzled. I originally thought that I'll have a lot more chances to travel in Iceland during the summer, when I can actually afford to do it. I've seen so little of what I've wanted to see so far. And now it might be that I can't stay for much longer.

I will come back again in the beginning of June, after that week in Finland, but I don't know how long I can stay for. I don't even know what I would prefer. If I'm lucky enough to get a job in Finland, I'll probably need to take it and leave Iceland for now, having experienced much less than I would've liked. The more likely alternative is that I'm coming back here as a vagabond for June, traveling around the country as much as I can, and go back to Finland in July, either living with dad in Helsinki or trying to study something in Vaasa.

Such is the way things go. Enviroments change, but I still have trouble in finding myself a summer job.